dear cjane

thank you for articulating something i have been, and still am, learning slowly day by day… posting it on my blog so that i can come back to it as many times as i need to.

“I came to realize this:  we think we go from partner to partner because there will be someone “better” for us. In reality, no one is better for us, we just get better for ourselves.

And this: relationships work when we sacrifice negative beliefs about ourselves, and in that process we become the best thing that’s ever happened to anyone.

And this: a successful marriage is about two people engaged and dedicated to overcoming selfishness–for the rest of their lives.”

on being true to yourself

as i near a point of big change in my life (graduation, moving cities, settling into a new home, a new job, a new career, first year of married life living together…) i can’t help but reflect on decisions i’ve made and how they now affect my present and will affect my future.

when we got engaged, we had to deal with our share of negative energy – people who thought we were too young, people who were jealous, people who had ‘advice’ we really didn’t want to hear. and then when we wanted to get married while i was in law school, we again had to deal with criticism of that decision. but you see, for us, getting engaged was, yes, about that next step in our relationship. but even bigger than that, it was also about making choices that glorify God.

husband and i knew we would never live together before marriage. it was more than just physical temptation and sex. there is an ebb and flow of creating a life, habits, routines, traditions, family together that we held as sacred. it was something we wanted to create with the assurance of God’s blessing.

our wedding day was pure magic. and to our delight, our love had deepened, we could feel the solid foundation of commitment beneath us, holding us up, and drawing us closer together. and as we spent the next four weeks together, the joy of living together really resounded for us. it was so new, so incredible, and so satisfying. and we were so grateful that we chose to wait to live together. because had we done so, we would have truly robbed ourselves of those moments. i know that the moment of ‘moving in together’ is special for couples who choose it, but i can say with certainty that every emotion and experience is magnified by marriage.

it also made me think of why so many couples hit a low after their wedding day. there is so much excitement building up to that special and incredible day, and then they return back to the life and home they’ve already established, they can’t help but ask themselves, “i thought things were supposed to feel different now?” or “so that’s it?” whereas for us, the high continued. and because we have yet to live a full year together yet, it still continues!

i have unmarried friends who live together now. while in law school, i would sometimes feel sad that my husband and i didn’t have that opportunity. that we were missing out. (i should say, these include the years we were dating and engaged!) but now that we’re graduating, i see how many of these couples are going to have to stop living together, either due to where they’ll be working, financial reasons, familial reasons etc. while on the flipside, husband and i have bought our first home, and finally get to start living together! this was another moment of gratitude for me, as i thanked God for the strength He gave us to wait, to be patient, and make the right choices. choices that now anchor us together, that despite the season of separation and fighting temptation, we now get to spend the foreseeable future together 🙂 and all with His blessings supporting us.

our first home

january was such a blur as every weekend, i was in toronto, condo hunting with husband. the good news is that, quite shockingly fast, we found a place.

at first, i was convinced the process would be arduous. a real feat of weeding through mediocre options while praying for a gold mine. as luck would have it, on our second outing, we found two gold mines. there was quite a bit of debate. but thankfully we both agreed on which one to put an offer on first. i honestly said the usual prayer – God if it’s meant to be, let it be, if it’s not, give it to another buyer. well, we beat the other offer by 1000. therein enters my peace with this blessing of a home.

now i can’t believe i’m going to be living the life of a young urbanite. i am in love with the location of our little pie in the sky. and consumed with thoughts of interior design. a bit overwhelming at times. 

you know what else is overwhelming? my gratitude for being given this first home to create into ours. 

my husband isn’t one to scream his love for me from a rooftop, or sing me songs, or write me poetry, or put on public shows of affection. i’ll even admit that he often doesn’t understand the need (some) women (like me) have, for little gifts, surprise gestures, little dates…

but this home is his love letter to me. i knew it the day he first got off the phone (looking like christmas morning) with the realtor. he walked over, scooped me up in his arms, looked deep into my brown eyes and said “i have wanted to share a home with you for so long and it’s finally going to happen.” 

so, my gratitude for this man that dreamt of giving me a home continues… 



oh, he does give me the sweetest kisses on the nose 🙂