This August 20th marks two years of marriage. I’ve neglected this blog to a ridiculous extent (and almost thought of shutting it down) but one of the main reasons I (re)started blogging was to 1) write and to 2) record my memories of my marriage…. especially the good memories. Mainly because when I look at all my diaries from my childhood and teenage years, they are filled with records of my no-good-crappy-days. Now and then there is an entry from an AWESOME-DAY or entries from my vacation days. Needless to say, I realize now that I use writing as a way to process things. Being an extrovert, I spent the normal days and good days bubbling around people. It was only the bad days that would push me to lock myself alone in my room and fish my diary out and spill my feelings and thoughts onto its pages.
And with marriage…. I wanted to record the good memories on this blog. Because I knew, going in, that marriage could be some tough business. But I also knew the good moments would outweigh the difficult ones. And I wanted to read about those good moments when I was working through a difficult one.
The failure of recording the good moments aside, this marriage really has been the best things that’s happened to me. I’m pretty sure I wake up every morning wanting to pinch myself looking around at the life my husband and I have created and are working hard to create.
My marriage is made of two people who are opposites in many of their strengths. My husband is incredible at numbers, managing his money, responsibility, being a provider, staying focused and working his butt off. While I do like to think of myself as a hard worker, I know my skills are in analysis, language and logic. When we get into a fight or conflict, these strengths can shoot ourselves in the foot. But the truth is, we both know how badly we need each other. And I love that we have learnt how to fight. We have developed a dance for our fights now. Stages that we go through, familiar steps and rhythms, knowing resolution is around the corner…and that’s because of the strengths that we have in common: compassion, respect for each other, trust in each other and fighting hard for this marriage that we both believe in and work HARD for. Together, we are committed to making each other’s dreams come true and following God’s guidance in our lives. Without each other, we would not have been as successful at building both of our professional and demanding careers. When I felt God guiding me to him, I also felt God telling me that much would be expected of our generosity – without him, I wouldn’t be able to give as generously to charities and other people God directs us to.
As our careers grow, we accompany each other to work parties, dinners with our bosses, charity galas, cocktail receptions. I love watching him move, working the room, especially when it is an event I’ve had to drag him to. And most especially when someone comes up to me and says, “So your husband was telling me that you…”
All the fancy dinners and glitz aside…. my favourite moments of marriage have been the simplest ones. First and foremost, how he is the cutest goofball I’ve met. And that he thinks the same of me. That my crazy doesn’t scare him away, in fact, he thinks life would be so dull without it. How when we get into bed we automatically pull each other close, point our toes so that the tops of our feet rub against each other and press our foreheads together. How those moments before sleep are usually filled with kisses on the nose, neck nuzzles or silly stories, goofy sounds or animated voices, and laughter. A lot of laughter. Or the time recently, when I was down with the flu. It must have been 3 a.m. when a coughing fit hit me. I didn’t really wake up. I was vaguely aware that the fit made me sit up in bed and then fall back into my pillow with a burning chest. And that my husband said my name. Next thing I know, I’m being pulled up and a spoon of cough syrup is in my mouth, followed by a second that mostly dribbles out of my mouth. Which he cleans up. Then he pulls me onto his arm and pulls the covers over us. And then it was morning. And the first night since being sick that I felt so rested.
I am thankful for a marriage that is filled with such moments. Which brings me such comfort and rest. And makes me feel so loved. And for the man who chose me and believes in working hard to build this marriage.